Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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