My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
