I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
