Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
