I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
