He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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