guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
