Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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