i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
