the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
