Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
