spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Too much gin, very little bucket
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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