You just made me feel so damn special
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
