I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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