Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
