his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize