could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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