so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
