I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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