Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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