Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
