two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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