It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
