You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
