Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
