they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
