i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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