Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
