Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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