Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
