We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
