In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
