sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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