At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
