My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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