You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
