jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
