but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
