I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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