Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
