respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
