I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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