She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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