one two three fourrrrnication!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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