I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
