there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
