do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
