I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Less talking, more tequila
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
