it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
