I wish I could teleport
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
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