My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the day after is always just damage control
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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