I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do vagina's smell?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize