Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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