I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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