no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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