Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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