Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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