Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
